Sitting at my laptop today, trying to find the motivation to lift a finger to do anything while the siren song of the couch and surrendering to sleep tugs at me. There’s a numbness inside me that I can both feel and hear, a soft buzzing sound that’s fuzzy and slightly around my eyeballs. Everything about me feels quiet and pensive, and being even slightly social saps what little energy I have.
I have no concrete reason for feeling this way today but I’m choosing to honor it instead of forcing myself to ignore it and clean the house or go anywhere out of misplaced guilt that belongs to me and me alone. Do you have guilt when you take care of yourself?
Who is putting that pressure on you? For me, it’s projected from my childhood onto my present. It’s society telling me that I’m being lazy and I’m missing out on something.
Lately, I’ve seen a lot of posts, memes and pictures saying self-care is about being “selfish” and taking a day to yourself. Fuck that. Let’s do away with that word “Selfish” in relation to caring for ourselves. It is not selfish to care for others so why should it be labeled such when we care for our own precious bodies and souls?
I know for me, this waning feeling will pass and like the moon, once the darkness passes I will begin to regain my spirit and become full, only to repeat the cycle. As I’ve gotten older I realize that’s just the way of things, I’m learning not to fight it.
What is one thing you will do today to care for yourself? How will you commit to honoring and listening to yourself today and in the coming week?
I’m going to take a nap and then spend some quality time with my beloved, sans technology. ❤
I stand atop a hill in the pasture, eyes on my pony below. I observe her for a moment munching hay or napping. I take in a lungful of air and loudly call her name, then follow it up with a loud wolf whistle, a whistle I chose specifically so she would know, that I know, just how pretty she is.
Her head bobs up and her ears prick forward, from deep in her belly she hollers back to me then nickers and breaks into a run, heading my direction. Every time this happens my heart swells with joy. She is happy, she is healthy, she is hungry, and she is pleased to see me.
Once she canters up to me I greet her with joyful enthusiasm, a kiss and a treat. I want her to know I am delighted to see her and be in her presence, and reward her for taking time out of her life to be with me. She doesn’t have to, she has a choice.
There are days, of course, where I am in a hurry and my delight is dampened by the hustle and bustle of life and I toss a halter around her head, rush her to her grain and then rush her back out to pasture. After such treatment it’s not unusual for her to decline to come up to meet me the following day. I don’t blame her, in those instances I’m not being a very good friend.
Our equine relationships should absolutely be treated as friendships, and this idea should have us examining the human friendships in our lives. Today I ask you to put down your judgement of yourself and others, and look at your human and equine friendships objectively, as if you were standing outside a window looking in at your life. What do you notice? Remember, no judgements here, just work on becoming aware.
How do we treat our friends? Lets pretend we are in a post-covid world for a moment. When we see our friends do we joyfully greet them, delighted to be in their presence? Do we immediately dump our troubles on them, or ask them to accommodate us by rushing through our time together? Is the friendship mutual, or one sided? Do you feel like you’re dragging your friend by the hair to come hang out with you, similar to how you might have to drag your horse by the halter?
Do you have a friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries when you need time or space? Is there a horse in your life who also pushes into your boundaries, who you’re uncomfortable around? Do you have a friend who is your rock? Friends who you can depend on to understand when the ebb and flow of friendships and life? Who is there when you want them, when you need them? Is the give and take is mutual? Are you a rock for somebody? How about your horse? Does your equine friendship feel secure and comfortable, with boundaries respected from both parties? Are you both there for the good times and the bad?
If you don’t have a horse but are around horses, how do those relationships feel? Do they reflect other relationships in your life?
Horses have so much to teach us about what it means to be human. Be good to your equine friends. Be good to your human friends. Be Kind to Each Other.
With Love and In Joy Coach Amanda & the Heart of a Mare