You Deserve More Than False Love

Dear Woman,

Yesterday, I watched as squeals of joy and laughter brought a shadow to your smile and pain snuck into the corners of your eyes. I watched you do your best to be supportive without giving away your inner hurt. The women around you were oblivious, absorbed in their own happiness and excitement, they were not witness to your pain, they couldn’t hear the truth behind your joking plea for them to go away.

What you don’t see perhaps, is your own strength and bravery as you hold your boundaries and wait.
Some people are so desperate for someone to want them, they overlook the train wreck that’s barreling towards them. Some people are so afraid to be alone with themselves that they will sacrifice their values, beliefs, and ultimately their sense of self worth and identity.

They’ll lose it all to someone who says all the right things, puts them up on a pedestal, kisses the ground they walk on, until they’ve spun their web, and then the true personality of an abuser crawls out. On the surface, it looks like something to covet, but I promise you, it’s not.
Run as far and as fast as fast as you can, from that kind of trap dressed up as “love”.
It may be lust. It may be infatuation. It isn’t love.

Hold your ground. Stand firm in the belief that real love; bone deep, mutual, healthy love, is out there and it’s worth waiting for. It’s worth the loneliness. Rise above the societal expectation that women need to lower their standards, because it’s better to have a man than to be alone. That’s a lie.

You’re in a unique position in your singleness to find yourself and create the life you want, with no strings attached, no one else to consider as you follow your dreams. Even in healthy relationships compromises must be made all the time, right now you have no one to answer to but yourself. Curate your life, become your best self, heal your generational traumas, overcome the the limiting beliefs that you’re not good enough, or you’re not worthy. You Are, without a doubt, worth all you ever dreamed and more. Do the work. Lean on the strong, supportive women in your life. Learn the red flags of bad men, commit them to memory. Steer clear and keep your eye out for the kind heart that matches yours.
The rest will fall into place.

With Love,
The Heart of a Mare

Do you struggle with codependency or boundaries? Are you drawn to dysfunctional relationships?
Schedule a private in-person coaching session or virtual coaching session with me.

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Dark Night of the Soul and the Light Within

During many dark nights of my soul so far this year, I found myself staring into the abyss.
I have peered in before, never lingering long, passing curiosity and fear of damnation moving me onward swiftly, before gravity could pull me in.

This time, I sat down on the rim of the well of darkness, next to my demons, some old friends and some new, and we had a chat. What on earth was the point of it all? My vision was blocked. Stifled by suffering, suffering, suffering. The very pain of life, of living, of being pulled out of thin air and birthed into a broken world for reasons far beyond my grasp and the pain of that … was all consuming. I could not see my worth. I could not see the light. I could not see the point. I could not even see the red embers of my ever present rage, for the spark had gone out. What could I, so insignificant and small, offer to the world?

I did quiet battle with this thought for several weeks. I could not grasp what I brought to the table to my friends, my family, my love. I was not compelled to push myself off the rim, but content to sit there and ponder the mysteries of life.

One day, as I was dusting off and tidying the space around me, for that is always where the solutions lie to quiet the turmoil of my heart and mind, the answer to my mournful inquiry to the universe presented itself.
What could I offer to the world? What subject do I know anything about? What is my gift? My grace, if you will.

The answer was the most blindingly obvious thing in the world. The Horses.

The Horses.

Despite my completion of the Touched by a Horse cert program, despite my completion of 6 years of Equine Training, Industry, & Management, plus ongoing study and blossoming career in horse training and equine gestalt coaching, the answer to my souls quest had escaped me until that bright flash of the obvious skittered across my brain.

My gift to offer the world, is being a conduit for the horses, to create a better world for them by connecting them to the humans that care for, love, and admire them.

With this newly kindled fire to light my way, I stepped back from the abyss and said farewell for now to my spectral friends, and got to work.

The wheels began to turn, and just as quickly they began to fall off

To be continued …

Getting Back in the Saddle – A Personal Gestalt Experience

A few weeks ago, I clung to the back of a very large mare, in the fetal position, close to tears, begging her not to explode beneath me. Her entire body shook as she screamed for her companion who was at that moment, out of sight. This 1600 lb horse was vibrating with nervous energy, an explosion was imminent.
I shifted my weight, freed my foot from the stirrup and swung down … for the third time that day.

On my long drive home, my pride severely wounded & my nerves frayed, I found myself questioning why I train horses.
I found myself not wanting to do it anymore.

I got bucked off a young horse named “Blue” in August (for the first time in my 14 years of riding btw) I severely injured my ankle, and finally got back to riding in October.
I’ve been on several horses since the original incident, but not with the confidence I had before. I found myself and my stomach wound into tight knots each time I mounted, even on my own horse, Molly, who is by no means an easy ride but in the past I’ve trusted her – literally – with my life, without a second thought.

After getting my emotional ass kicked by a giant draft horse, it was time to make a change. Either throw in the towel and quit, or figure out how to get my confidence back.

I opted for option B, though option A was extremely appealing at the time.

I contacted my very dear friend and long time mentor, Damian Ficca and scheduled some bareback riding lessons.

On a Saturday morning, I stood next to a horse named Snickers who was having himself a good roll in the sand, as he sat up like a dog, I gave him a treat.
Snickers proceeded to lay back down and roll to the other side, as he started to sit up Damian says
“Quick, Get on his back!”
Startled, I say “What? Now?!”
Damian shoved me forward “QUICK, Get on his back!”
Without another thought, or time to think one, I threw a leg over, grabbed mane, and up we went!
I looked around from my perch and looked at Damian, who was laughing gleefully and I had to laugh too. “Okay, that was pretty cool.”

So, my lesson began.
I had no reins, no lead rope, nothing to hold on to, nothing to Control this horse should he decide to spook.

Let me repeat that – I had No Control.
All I had was a handful of mane and thighs that haven’t been worked out in many moons.

Damian led Snickers around by a lead rope & halter, corrected my leg position a few times as we walked and then says to me
“Okay, now let go of his mane and put your hands on top of your thighs.”

Okay. I trust this man, I mostly trust this horse.
I do as I’m asked. We continue to walk.

Damian says “Okay, now I want you to hold your left arm straight out to the side.”
As I do this, leaving my right hand on my thigh, I’m brought back to “Blue” and the round pen we worked in on the day he threw me.
This was the exact exercise I was doing with him, except I was in a saddle.

I can feel my anxiety rise in the present, as I picture the past clearly – the explosion that happens right after this part, when I raise my left arm straight up in the air and the horse beneath me loses his mind.
But that was then, and this is today …

Damian says “Okay, now put your left arm straight up above your head.
I say to him “This is what I was doing right before I got bucked off.”
I raise my hand up anyway … we walk … nothing happens.

Below me, is a steady lesson horse. Within me, the trauma that has gripped me for 2 months begins to release. I feel the knots loosen with every breath, with every step. I think to myself that this is Gestalt.

Damian: “Raise both arms above your head.”

By the end of the hour long lesson, my confidence had returned. I was comfortable and having a conversation with both arms above my head, while riding bareback, hardly thinking but feeling the movement of the horse, feeling in sync, breathing easily.

I am a Gestaltist. This moment is a beautiful capture for me of why I chose the path of Equine Gestalt Coaching – that moment of release doesn’t just happen on the back of a horse.
It happens in a chair when someone wraps up their unfinished business with a lover who abused them, even though the lover is long gone.
It happens when someone drops into the arena sand, hurtful words they’ve carried with them their whole life and never picks them up again.
It happens when someone tells the troll on their shoulder who keeps telling them they are not enough, to “Fuck off” because they ARE ENOUGH and always have been.
It happens when a horse looks into your heart and your soul, and whispers “Trust Me”.

I am a Gestaltist. I am a Horse Trainer. Working with horses brings me great joy. Bringing people together with the healing power of horses, is profound and life changing for everybody involved.

What can the horses help you heal?

Contact me at to explore your options and set up an appointment with one of the equine healers of Dark Horse Healing.