Posted on September 11, 2021
Yesterday, I watched as squeals of joy and laughter brought a shadow to your smile and pain snuck into the corners of your eyes. I watched you do your best to be supportive without giving away your inner hurt. The women around you were oblivious, absorbed in their own happiness and excitement, they were not witness to your pain, they couldn’t hear the truth behind your joking plea for them to go away.
What you don’t see perhaps, is your own strength and bravery as you hold your boundaries and wait.
Some people are so desperate for someone to want them, they overlook the train wreck that’s barreling towards them. Some people are so afraid to be alone with themselves that they will sacrifice their values, beliefs, and ultimately their sense of self worth and identity.
They’ll lose it all to someone who says all the right things, puts them up on a pedestal, kisses the ground they walk on, until they’ve spun their web, and then the true personality of an abuser crawls out. On the surface, it looks like something to covet, but I promise you, it’s not.
Run as far and as fast as fast as you can, from that kind of trap dressed up as “love”.
It may be lust. It may be infatuation. It isn’t love.
Hold your ground. Stand firm in the belief that real love; bone deep, mutual, healthy love, is out there and it’s worth waiting for. It’s worth the loneliness. Rise above the societal expectation that women need to lower their standards, because it’s better to have a man than to be alone. That’s a lie.
You’re in a unique position in your singleness to find yourself and create the life you want, with no strings attached, no one else to consider as you follow your dreams. Even in healthy relationships compromises must be made all the time, right now you have no one to answer to but yourself. Curate your life, become your best self, heal your generational traumas, overcome the the limiting beliefs that you’re not good enough, or you’re not worthy. You Are, without a doubt, worth all you ever dreamed and more. Do the work. Lean on the strong, supportive women in your life. Learn the red flags of bad men, commit them to memory. Steer clear and keep your eye out for the kind heart that matches yours.
The rest will fall into place.
The Heart of a Mare
Category: Dear Heart Tagged: abusive relationships, Codependency, emotional abuse, equine assisted therapy, Equine Gestalt Coaching, equine therapy, find your tribe, Gestalt, healers, healing, Healthy Love, Horse Lovers, horses, Lightworkers, NPD, Online coaching, Real Love, Self Care, the heart of a mare, true love, Virtual coaching, women, young women
Posted on August 9, 2020
As swiftly as the wheels began to turn, they began to fall off. I looked around at what I had built so far, with Sunrise Horse Training and Dark Horse Healing, both two years in the making, intentionally opposite ends of the spectrum- I’d felt called at the time of creation to cater to separate, vastly different demographics.
Now all I felt was stuck.
I simmered on my new dilemma for several weeks. I decided to bring Sunrise under the umbrella of Dark Horse. I scheduled a meeting with one of my dear mentors, Melisa Pearce (founder of Touched by a Horse, creator of the Equine Gestalt Coaching Method) to discuss going forward in this way, but before the meeting even occurred I saw the blockade in my way.
The style of these two worlds, the horse world and the alternative “woo-woo” world, would not mesh.
Not in the divisive, polarized world in which we currently live. I can and do easily walk the line between the worlds, but not all my clientele would be so inclined. The plan to mesh my businesses was dashed, and to no ones surprise, my conversation with Melisa confirmed what I already knew. There goes that wheel.
My next decision was to shut down Sunrise Horse Training all together and go whole hog into Equine Gestalt Coaching… but my primary income comes from Sunrise and I was feeling stifled inside the box I’d created within Dark Horse Healing. My dark horses, and dark heart, and dark hair, and dark clothes are absolutely authentic to me, but I no longer wanted to live within those walls and parameters all the time. There goes that wheel.
I started to, accidentally on purpose, morph my training business into something else; something less structured, something sweeter and softer and freer than what I had been taught and trained to do, something that was beginning to really feed my soul as I took note of the relationships that were being built between my clients and their horses.
I decided I would shut down Dark Horse Healing all together and go whole hog into Horse Training and this new path I had found. I started down this trail with just two wheels left, and the further I got down it, the louder the call of my two years of extensive, intensive training as an EGC Coach got. That wheel flew off the wagon in flames and rolled far far away, the other, with nothing to hold it up, collapsed pathetically on the ground.
So what was I left with?
Once again, the blinding flash of the obvious presented herself to me in the form of a horse.
Several horses. All Mares. Over the past year their divine feminine energy has challenged me, comforted me, nurtured me, frustrated me, broken me down, and then, (with the help of a kind gelding), healed me.
As I look back on the last 14 years of my life, the footsteps that have been by my side, consistent and unwavering, belong to my beloved heart horse, Molly. The biggest lessons I have learned have come from this mare, and the mares I have been lucky enough to encounter these past few years as a professional trainer. I have learned from geldings too, to be sure, but it is the mares who leave the lasting impressions on my heart.
With their quiet grace and gentle hearts, their fiery tempers, their wild souls, their humor, and their demand for respect that must be earned and is not easily given, I found the answers to my questions.
So with no wheels at all, I walk beside my horse and our equine friends, and I offer our gifts to you, as partners on your journey to wholeness and healing.
Without further ado,
May I Present: