Posted on September 11, 2021
Yesterday, I watched as squeals of joy and laughter brought a shadow to your smile and pain snuck into the corners of your eyes. I watched you do your best to be supportive without giving away your inner hurt. The women around you were oblivious, absorbed in their own happiness and excitement, they were not witness to your pain, they couldn’t hear the truth behind your joking plea for them to go away.
What you don’t see perhaps, is your own strength and bravery as you hold your boundaries and wait.
Some people are so desperate for someone to want them, they overlook the train wreck that’s barreling towards them. Some people are so afraid to be alone with themselves that they will sacrifice their values, beliefs, and ultimately their sense of self worth and identity.
They’ll lose it all to someone who says all the right things, puts them up on a pedestal, kisses the ground they walk on, until they’ve spun their web, and then the true personality of an abuser crawls out. On the surface, it looks like something to covet, but I promise you, it’s not.
Run as far and as fast as fast as you can, from that kind of trap dressed up as “love”.
It may be lust. It may be infatuation. It isn’t love.
Hold your ground. Stand firm in the belief that real love; bone deep, mutual, healthy love, is out there and it’s worth waiting for. It’s worth the loneliness. Rise above the societal expectation that women need to lower their standards, because it’s better to have a man than to be alone. That’s a lie.
You’re in a unique position in your singleness to find yourself and create the life you want, with no strings attached, no one else to consider as you follow your dreams. Even in healthy relationships compromises must be made all the time, right now you have no one to answer to but yourself. Curate your life, become your best self, heal your generational traumas, overcome the the limiting beliefs that you’re not good enough, or you’re not worthy. You Are, without a doubt, worth all you ever dreamed and more. Do the work. Lean on the strong, supportive women in your life. Learn the red flags of bad men, commit them to memory. Steer clear and keep your eye out for the kind heart that matches yours.
The rest will fall into place.
The Heart of a Mare
Category: Dear Heart Tagged: abusive relationships, Codependency, emotional abuse, equine assisted therapy, Equine Gestalt Coaching, equine therapy, find your tribe, Gestalt, healers, healing, Healthy Love, Horse Lovers, horses, Lightworkers, NPD, Online coaching, Real Love, Self Care, the heart of a mare, true love, Virtual coaching, women, young women
Posted on September 3, 2021
Sometimes the world of people is an ugly place. Hateful acts are committed every day and the news delights in bringing these horrors into our awareness and into our homes. Fear dances outside our windows and doors, sparking people to withdraw from each other and bunker down, preparing for the end of the world as we know it. We spare little thought to the impact our actions have on the world at large, the day to day actions that are ruining the earth we live on, the division between our fellow humans over petty, manufactured nonsense that will be our ultimate downfall. The future can sometimes look bleak.
In those moments of despair and sadness, I turn to the magic of all that is Nature. The world of humans is often ugly, the Natural world, even in her brutality, is beautiful and something to behold. I take delight in the little doses of nature that sprinkle through my day, my little box of wildflowers still springing up new flowers even in early September, the little basil plant that my love bought us to nurture back to life from its sad existence on the grocery store shelf. I find great joy in the little birds that visit our feeder, their colors beyond anything I ever imagined of common Colorado birds, they’re anything but common the way they shimmer in the sun.
The very seasons themselves offer so much to us, as they move swiftly in and out of our lives. Autumn is a particularly magical time of year for most people, when the colors change and the crisp in the air calls for sweatshirts and warm cups of coffee and tea and time spent with good friends. The light begins to change and shift, bringing with it feelings of nostalgia and something maybe just a little melancholy.
The horses that grace my life are the ultimate magic, of course, the ultimate healing of a fatigued soul. Soft whiskers on a cheek or an excited whinny from the pasture, glistening coats in the dusky evening sun, warm bodies to snuggle up against on chilly mornings. Their magic is pure and good and generous.
When I find myself in need of a lift, the answer is always to get outside and observe the big-little worlds the go on without our noticing, the little squirrels in the trees, the bugs in the grass, the dogs in the yards. Go deeper in nature to the mountains or to the ocean or to the desert until you find the serenity it has to offer you. Get moving, walk if possible, get involved in her magic and see what gifts she has to offer your heart and soul.
What ways does Nature heal you? What are the little magical bits of the day to day that you experience? Take notice if you haven’t before.
Category: Creative Writing, Gestalt, Gestalt & Horses, Life & Musings Tagged: autumn, compassion fatigue, Equine Gestalt Coaching, Gestalt, healing, hiking, holy wild, Horse Lovers, horses, horsewoman, horsewomen, inner child, inner child healing, joyful, magic, natural wonders, nature, nature walk, Self Care, tired soul, woman, women
Posted on August 28, 2021
As I’ve studied various therapies over the last few years, something that pops up from time to time, is the importance of play. It’s not something I believe we give a lot of thought to as adults. Play is synonymous with children and childhood, but it remains an important part of our growth as adults.
When I was little I played outside constantly, always with a neighbors dog in tow or I’d pretend I was a dog myself on many occasions. There were creeks to splash in, trees to climb, playgrounds to clamber on, swings to swing on. In colder months, puzzles were often laid out on the table, stuffed animals and a box full of clothes and costumes for tea parties and pretend.
As we age these things begin to slip away. Where do they go? Many of us leave behind our imaginations and step into the world of logic and work work work, in a hurry to turn our backs on the stuff of children. When was the last time you had fun? When was the last time you played? When was the last time you had fun and played without alcohol or another substance involved?
For some of us, especially those who are more introverted or anyone uncomfortable in crowds, alcohol is an easy crutch to pick up to loosen our inhibitions. Why do we become so inhibited in the first place? What’s wrong with playing and having fun, letting our hair down, getting on the ground and playing with animals or kids or bugs? Dancing like crazy or throwing your hands in the air as you sail down a slide?
When is the last time you really had some good clean fun? Something that left you tired and exhilarated and happy?
I have a riding lesson once a week, for me that’s extraordinarily enjoyable, even though I’ve been riding for years, learning new skills and flying down the arena on a good horse is fabulous fun; outside of that I really had to pause as I was writing and think about what I do for play and fun and it took me a bit to rule out any occasions with alcohol involved and come to something really joyful.
Play is a form of therapy that is really valuable, but even or especially, in every day life, play can increase your sense of community, your mental acuity, it offers opportunity for exercise and fresh air, release of endorphins and stimulation of creativity, just to name a few of the perks.
Some ideas to get you started on bringing play and fun back into your life: break out the play-dough or clay, find some crayons or colored pencils and draw or color, go to an amusement park and ride some rides, go for a hike, play frisbee with your dog or some friends, play a board game, make a fort, do a puzzle, try a new recipe, try anything new really, ride a horse, join a softball team, get out there and shake things up, kids!
As for me, I think I’ll find a set of swings.
Category: Creative Writing, Gestalt, Life & Musings Tagged: childhood, equine assisted therapy, Equine Gestalt Coaching, equine therapy, finding joy in the journey, Gestalt, happiness, happy, healing, Healing your inner child, inner child, inner child work, joyful, joyfulness, Play, playful, playtime, Self Care, women
Posted on June 4, 2021
Sitting at my laptop today, trying to find the motivation to lift a finger to do anything while the siren song of the couch and surrendering to sleep tugs at me.
There’s a numbness inside me that I can both feel and hear, a soft buzzing sound that’s fuzzy and slightly around my eyeballs. Everything about me feels quiet and pensive, and being even slightly social saps what little energy I have.
I have no concrete reason for feeling this way today but I’m choosing to honor it instead of forcing myself to ignore it and clean the house or go anywhere out of misplaced guilt that belongs to me and me alone. Do you have guilt when you take care of yourself?
Who is putting that pressure on you? For me, it’s projected from my childhood onto my present. It’s society telling me that I’m being lazy and I’m missing out on something.
Lately, I’ve seen a lot of posts, memes and pictures saying self-care is about being
“selfish” and taking a day to yourself.
Let’s do away with that word “Selfish” in relation to caring for ourselves. It is not selfish to care for others so why should it be labeled such when we care for our own precious bodies and souls?
I know for me, this waning feeling will pass and like the moon, once the darkness passes I will begin to regain my spirit and become full, only to repeat the cycle.
As I’ve gotten older I realize that’s just the way of things, I’m learning not to fight it.
What is one thing you will do today to care for yourself? How will you commit to honoring and listening to yourself today and in the coming week?
I’m going to take a nap and then spend some quality time with my beloved, sans technology. ❤
Take care ❤
Posted on May 4, 2021
I stand atop a hill in the pasture, eyes on my pony below. I observe her for a moment munching hay or napping. I take in a lungful of air and loudly call her name, then follow it up with a loud wolf whistle, a whistle I chose specifically so she would know, that I know, just how pretty she is.
Her head bobs up and her ears prick forward, from deep in her belly she hollers back to me then nickers and breaks into a run, heading my direction. Every time this happens my heart swells with joy. She is happy, she is healthy, she is hungry, and she is pleased to see me.
Once she canters up to me I greet her with joyful enthusiasm, a kiss and a treat. I want her to know I am delighted to see her and be in her presence, and reward her for taking time out of her life to be with me. She doesn’t have to, she has a choice.
There are days, of course, where I am in a hurry and my delight is dampened by the hustle and bustle of life and I toss a halter around her head, rush her to her grain and then rush her back out to pasture. After such treatment it’s not unusual for her to decline to come up to meet me the following day.
I don’t blame her, in those instances I’m not being a very good friend.
Our equine relationships should absolutely be treated as friendships, and this idea should have us examining the human friendships in our lives. Today I ask you to put down your judgement of yourself and others, and look at your human and equine friendships objectively, as if you were standing outside a window looking in at your life. What do you notice? Remember, no judgements here, just work on becoming aware.
How do we treat our friends? Lets pretend we are in a post-covid world for a moment. When we see our friends do we joyfully greet them, delighted to be in their presence?
Do we immediately dump our troubles on them, or ask them to accommodate us by rushing through our time together? Is the friendship mutual, or one sided? Do you feel like you’re dragging your friend by the hair to come hang out with you, similar to how you might have to drag your horse by the halter?
Do you have a friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries when you need time or space? Is there a horse in your life who also pushes into your boundaries, who you’re uncomfortable around? Do you have a friend who is your rock? Friends who you can depend on to understand when the ebb and flow of friendships and life? Who is there when you want them, when you need them? Is the give and take is mutual? Are you a rock for somebody? How about your horse? Does your equine friendship feel secure and comfortable, with boundaries respected from both parties? Are you both there for the good times and the bad?
If you don’t have a horse but are around horses, how do those relationships feel? Do they reflect other relationships in your life?
Horses have so much to teach us about what it means to be human. Be good to your equine friends. Be good to your human friends. Be Kind to Each Other.
With Love and In Joy
Coach Amanda & the Heart of a Mare
Category: Gestalt & Horses, Horse Training, horsemanship, Life & Musings, Relationships and Healing Tagged: be kind, best friends, bonding, change the industry, change the world, coactive horsemanship, EGCM, equine, friends, friends with horses, friendship, heartfelt horsemanship, horse trining, horsemanship, horses, kindness, relationships, women, women supporting women